I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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