I met the friendliest cop last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Congratulations! We have a period
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
