you traded sex for a burrito?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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