I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
