Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
