Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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