how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
