hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
