he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
