Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
