Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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