Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize