I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
