It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
