ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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