It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
