My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
