Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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