She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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