I hate all girls vehemently.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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