The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
