Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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