Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
