NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize