Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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