the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
