It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
