Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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