Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
