He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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