yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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