you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
