I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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