Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
