Can i not drive my cunt home
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
