So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
