I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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