so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
