I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
