Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
