sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
