I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
