think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
