I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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