I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
