Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
