How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
