those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
