left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
