she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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