....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
