i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nutella sex= disaster
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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