It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
