what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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