Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
