I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
