If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize