I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
