I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
