im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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