6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
