Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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