apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
