i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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