You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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