i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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