I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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