angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
