their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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