Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
