last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
